you are the water that these flowers were waiting to bloom for.
omg I’m seeing Brand New tomorrow I’m going to exploooooooo000oo0de
COME GET ME
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’
I wonder why I cannot be both.
He kisses me
My college theater professor once told me
that despite my talent,
I would never be cast as a romantic lead.
We do plays that involve singing animals
and children with the ability to fly,
but apparently no one
has enough willing suspension of disbelief
to go with anyone loving a fat girl.
I daydream regularly
about fucking my boyfriend vigorously on his front lawn.
On the mornings I do not feel pretty,
while he is still asleep,
I sit on the floor and check the pockets of his skinny jeans for motive,
for a punchline,
for other girls’ phone numbers.
When we hold hands in public,
I wonder if he notices the looks —
like he is handling a parade balloon on a crowded sidewalk;
if he notices that my hands are now made of rope.
Dear Cosmo: Fuck you.
I will not take sex tips from you
on how to please a man you think I do not deserve.
He tells me he loves me with the lights on.
I can cup his hip bone in my hand,
feel his ribs without pressing very hard at all.
He does not believe me when I tell him he is beautiful.
Sometimes I fear the day he does will be the day he leaves.
The cute hipster girl at the coffee shop
assumes we are just friends
and flirts over the counter.
I spend the next two weeks
mentally replacing myself with her
in all of our photographs.
When I admit this to him
we spend the evening taking new photos together.
He will not let me delete a single one of them.
The phrase “Big girls need love too” can die in a fire.
Fucking me does not require an asterisk.
Loving me is not a fetish.
Finding me beautiful is not a novelty.
I am not a fucking novelty.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says, ‘No. You are so much more’,
and kisses me
i’m roughly three seconds from throwing myself off a cliff. god, i fuckin hate school this semester.
Some days I feel like Beyonce and some days I feel like Rihanna…
accessories include extra-large coffees and handfuls of unorganized notes and sketches
Fuck that, accessories include tears and bags under my eyes~
Make that a bottle of Merlot and a new pack of cigarettes.
+ emergency xanax and adderall. welcome to college.
Tonight’s To-Do List:
1. Prepare a 15-20 minute presentation on a still undetermined topic for class tomorrow.
2. Churn out a five-page paper over a collection of short stories for aforementioned class.
3. Figure shit out on an overdue paper for same class.
4. Start another five-page paper for another class.
BUT FIRST- anxiety attack. Cool.
[AGGRESSIVELY PROCRASTINATES FOR THREE HOURS ON SOMETHING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN FINISHED IN 30 MINUTES]